How to Offer Support to Victims of Sexual Violence

Helping a friend who has experienced sexual violence is not an easy task. This is very different from helping a friend through an everyday problem. Thus, it will be important to get appropriate information from professionals and obtain services for yourself as well. Below are some helpful guidelines to consult.

First and foremost, you must start by believing your friend. End Violence Against Women International has created the Start by Believing campaign in order to emphasize how important this movement is for victims. Often, the very first person's response when a victim shares their story will determine whether or not that victim chooses to disclose again. Watch the video below to see just how important your response is.

StartByBelieving-2014 from End Violence Against Women Intl. on Vimeo.

How to Support a Friend

Often, victims report that one of the worst parts about experiencing sexual assault is losing control of their choices and what happens to them. So, it is your responsibility to give the victim back as much control as possible. This means allowing the victim to make their own decisions about the next steps they will take regarding medical attention, law enforcement, counseling, and who hears their story.

If your friend is a victim of sexual violence the following information can offer guidance on how to help and support.

1. Listen and accept what you hear. Do not press for details. Allow your friend to reflect on what has happened and to share some of their feelings. This is important because asking victims about details of a situation - like what they were wearing, where they were, or who they were with - might come across as blaming victims.
    
2. Keep what is said confidential. The victim should always decide who hears their story and who does not; even if you have good intentions in telling someone without the victim's permission, your actions may further harm the victim. (Note: This does not apply to university employees as employees are required to report all Title IX issues to the office of Student Conduct or the Title IX office.)
    
3. Let your friend know that they are not to blame. Many victims tend to blame themselves for the offender's actions, especially if the perpetrator was an acquaintance.
    
4. Encourage your friend to obtain a medical examination. It might be helpful to offer to drive them to Stillwater Medical Center. You can read more about the process at SMC on the I’ve Been Assaulted. What do I do? page.
    
5. Encourage your friend to call the OSU Victim Advocates (405-564-2129 M-F 8am-5pm) or the Wings of Hope 24 hour crisis line (405-624-3020).
    
6. Seek emotional support for yourself if needed. Again, it is incredibly difficult to watch a friend go through this. Not only could a counselor help you process this experience, the counselor may be able to give you advice on how to continue helping your friend.
    
7. Allow your friend to make their own decision about their next steps.
    
8. Accept their choice, even if you disagree with what they have chosen to do. It is important that they feel empowered to make choices and take back control. Do not impose your values on the victim.
    
9. Encourage your friend to file a police report. Filing a report does not commit to prosecution, but will allow the gathering of information and evidence. The information and evidence maintain future options regarding criminal prosecution, university disciplinary actions and/or civil actions against the perpetrator. Information can be helpful in supporting other reports and/or preventing further incidents (even anonymous reports are useful).
    
10. Offer resources to your friend. See Campus Resources and Off Campus Resources for more information.

Supporting Students as University Employees

As a university employee, your role is very different from that of a friend. There are specific guidelines set forth by Federal Statutes that mandate how you are to handle a situation in which a student confides in you. Please read the Guidelines for University Employees page to fully understand your role and responsibilities.

Additionally, you may find the following checklist helpful. 

• According to Board of Regents policy, Oklahoma State University Police Department should be contacted immediately if the incident happened on campus and Stillwater Police Department should be contacted if the incident happened off campus.
• In compliance with Title IX federal guidance, if an employee of the university is aware of an assault or any type of gender discrimination, then the university must investigate, end the discrimination, prevent the discrimination from reoccurring and educate the campus. University employees must notify the office of Student Conduct (405-744-5470) for issues involving students, and Title IX office for issues involving employees (405-744-9153).
• Provide the victim with a 1 is 2 Many Booklet. Booklets are provided to each college's student services center and available from the office of Student Conduct.
• Ask if the victim feels safe in their current campus residence. The office of Student Conduct (405-744-5470) can work with Residential Life to provide a new housing assignment.
• In the case of sexual assault, provide the student with information about the OSU Victim Advocate and the 24-hour Sexual Assault Crisis Hotline (405-624-3020).
• Encourage the student to seek follow-up health care through Stillwater Medical Center immediately or with a personal physician (for physical injuries, a general physical exam, and testing for STD/STI, pregnancy and HIV).
• Encourage the student to seek counseling. Counseling option are provided on campus and in the community.
  Offer information concerning the OSU student conduct process, and the reporting student’s options to file a complaint with the university alleging another student violated university policy.
• Offer information to the student concerning accommodations to be made as needed for the student to feel safe and continue in school.
• Help the student generate a list of people in their life who may be able to provide non-judgmental, confidential support.
• If appropriate, make a plan to follow-up with the student.